I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
