I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
