don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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