my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
