we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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