Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
