So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
