I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
