I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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