Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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