the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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