Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize