I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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