Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Edward fifth and chaser hands
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
