sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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