Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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