my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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