I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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