Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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