Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
