Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
