i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
