dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
