she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
