i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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