What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
