I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
