I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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