I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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