after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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