i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
