Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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