You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
