I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize