Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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