i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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