Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
