oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
