It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
