omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
