They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
