she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
