Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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