there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
