YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
