A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
