the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
accomplished twins. life is a go
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
