so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
