he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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