The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
