dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
