I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
