i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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