I faked an abortion last night.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
