oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
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