My Higher Power is John Stamos
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
