It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
