I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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