my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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