I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
