I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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