you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
