i just wanna soil my oats bro
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize