Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
