I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
