I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
