Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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