Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
