I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
