It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize