Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
