that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
