mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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