I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
