Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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