Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
