i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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