my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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