Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
