if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
