some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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