Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
