I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
