Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
