I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
