I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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