Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
