you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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