I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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