we're blogging at a bar
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
