We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
