is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
