I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
