Don't you send me to vm
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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