The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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